The Art of Self (image) Counseling that Unifies Life
The 3 Things

The catalogue
below is a breakdown
of the many facets we demonstrate
in the course of a journey of healing and
self development. It is meant to be a celebration
of the spectacular complexity that we humans represent,
and what I may help you with in your own journey.
Of course it is not a checklist or a rote formula that can be directly applied
to a counselling experience, but it is interesting nonetheless, don't you think? Fortunately
we now have the tools to elegantly and simply accommodate these myriad factors rather directly.

Please feel free to write me with your own comments, refinements or additions, should any occur to you.

  • Suffering is the source of our motivation to change

  • Imagination is the tool that generates a vision of a new and better reality for us, out of seeming nothing.

  • Attraction to a desirable state or outcome is the path of least resistance to change, and an energizing force, as opposed to Avoidance of the negative, which will often bring more negative results.

  • Disarmament is critical to allow the vulnerability required for growth and development and it introduces the possibility of movement beyond our games and our strategies to GET IT from the Other, and is based on trust- trust of those around us or our self.

  • Insight and Self-Understanding are the first steps towards practical comprehension of our situation, and grasping the reasons why we are unhappy.

  • Acceptance follows, when we come out of denial and accept the truth of our situation.

  • Ownership of the problem is the solution to the powerlessness of victim consciousness and blaming of others (projection). It enables us to see that we actually have created our victimhood as an expression of the negative beliefs about ourselves and others which we have held onto our entire lives. 

  • Self-Love is the antidote for the core wounds of our psyche, which are the foundation of all our shame and negative self-esteem and the basis of all our negative beliefs about our self, Self-Love is the means and the goal of healing and is the most fundamental and powerful factor of healing.

  • Integration: we must allow the fragmented parts of self to communicate again, to take their seat in our self consciousness, and begin to have a voice and power in life decisions.

  • Commitment to Truth is often a key to progress to greater reality for ourselves.

  • Humour - a bit of levity somewhere along the line is an important aid to healing

  • Higher Power: consciously or unconsciously, we must invoke a power greater than ego (in the spiritual sense, rather than the Freudian meaning) as the accomplishing force.

  • Awareness is the healthy alternative function to beliefs, thinking and knowing and doubting.

  • Surrender: The ego can’t do stable growth, it is too defensive and self protective.

  • Humility is the byproduct of ownership of a problem and opens the heart to the possibility that our frustration and suffering may sometimes also be an expression of the will of the soul, to have certain experiences for its greater evolution.

  • Faith (not necessarily of the religious variety) is needed to affirm that progress is even possible.

  • Confession: the simple act of sharing our concerns with another is often a very important ingredient of growth, probably because it represents a gesture of reconnecting to others, and the abandonment of self enclosing fears and shame.

  • Forgiveness of your self for your weaknesses and liabilities is the healing balm which allows personal growth to blossom.

  • Gratitude, for our problems, and eventually even our antagonists, is the deepest energizer of change, and is helpful for growth to continue, and trumps self pity and resentment.

  • Compassion for our self and others is the dividend of Humility, Forgiveness & Gratitude

  • Presence is standing in and as who we really are and represents the transcendence of self-division into thinking and believing mind, reactive emotions and unhealthy activities and can be an integral part of the counselling experience.

  • Power must be accepted in the same way that any other function must be accepted, used and released.

  • Courage a degree of courage must appear in order to have the strength to face the difficult moments involved with any creative process.

  • Intention/Will is the driving force and director of change.

  • Attention to the desired goal is the steering mechanism of Intention/Will.

  • holding a Positive Vision of the future is the antidote to self-perpetuating patterns of negativity.

  • Sovereignty is fundamental to accept in order to empower and assert our right to happiness and self determination.

  • Nurture- a person must feel nurtured before they can accept a challenge

  • Discipline will focus our will towards the desired goal.

  • Challenge will motivate change for men, assuming that they already feel safe and sufficiently nurtured.

  • Praise will often empower change in women, if they trust the integrity of the "praiser".

  • Men are more oriented towards self, and so usually find growth and transcendence in relationship.

  • Women are generally better oriented to relationship, and so will often find growth and transcendence in affirmation of self.

  • Service to others, if grounded in happiness rather than guilt, is the remedy for dissociative social habits.

  • Self-Care is the solution to personal abuse such as self sabotage, addictions, dietary problems, recklessness etc.





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